So I had been feeling like God was telling me I am supposed to speak sometime this year at a Mom2Mom meeting when I got an email asking me to do so. Thank you, God. Just what I needed to put me over the edge from considering it to committing to it.
But then reality struck about 18 hours later when I was recalling what Holly had said in the email..."share any part of your testimony that you'd like or speak on an issue/area that you're passionate about." Sounds simple enough, right? Until I realized I have no idea what it is I'm passionate about. So all yesterday in the moments between feedings, diaper changes, and chasing Nathan through the house in a futile attempt to rid his hands of applesauce before it got all over the walls, I was thinking, "what am I passionate about? what will I say if I can't figure out what I'm passionate about? how will I fill the time if my passion turns out to be so small that it only takes about 5 sentences to describe it?" And so on...
And then it hit me. At this very point in my life, I'm passionate about my children. I'm passionate about breastfeeding and cloth diapering and finding a deeper and more tangible relationship with Jesus. And if there is nothing else that I can define as my passion, that there is enough. And then (and this is totally a God thing) I was led to a facebook friend's profile page where I found an blog post that she shared. And this part of it totally blew me away.
"Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.
Christian mothers carry their children in hostile territory. When you are in public with them, you are standing with, and defending, the objects of cultural dislike. You are publicly testifying that you value what God values, and that you refuse to value what the world values...because you represent laying down your life for another—and laying down your life for another represents the gospel."
Remembering to make parenting my real passion is my goal. Laying down my life for my children in any moment is my goal. And Lord knows I fail at that daily...sometimes hourly. But I truly believe with God's help I can give my children the mother they deserve - the mother I was called by God to be.
So I'm putting to rest my anxiety about what to say at the meeting in October. I know that it will come to me if I concentrate on the most important job I'll ever have.